Jerry Jones is so deep in his own head that he’s paralyzed by fear (or the effects of age). In one of Jones’ many interviews talking about Dallas football, the Cowboys owner said it’s “pretty impressive” that L.A. Rams and Philadelphia The Eagles reached the Super Bowl after going all in, but he prefers to think “long term.”
Despite Philly being under the cap, holding two first-round picks this year and poised for success this season and beyond, Jones’ logic was characteristically folksy but confusing. So let’s go talk to Uncle Jerry for a bit. (I don’t know what specifically is so offensive about the term “Uncle Jerry,” and I can’t pinpoint why it’s not politically correct, so I’ll leave it out.)
Jerry Jones by Jerry Jones
Technically, it’s according to CBS Sports, so let’s assign them attribution. Now the full quote.
“Anyone who thinks I won’t take the risk has misinterpreted the tea leaves, but I think long-term and I’m really hesitant to bet on a year. There are a lot of things that can happen that year. Basically, we’re looking at several teams [the Los Angeles Rams and Philadelphia Eagles] who have had real success putting it all out there and paying later. Don’t think that it doesn’t cross my mind and turn my eye as far as possible, and I know how to do it. It’s part of what you put into that computer and what comes out. We’ll see how it goes, but it’s pretty impressive to have two teams in the last two years empty the bucket and make it to the Super Bowl. But if you miss, it’s a long time.
“On the other hand, my general experience is if you want to stay aggressive, I say whether it’s on or off the court, but you pick your shots with risk, and I’ve spent a lot of time in my life doing that. When I get cut, it’ll be all those scars, the heart attacks, for all the risks I’ve taken and the years I’ve spent paying for them. I want to say I know how to take risks. They’re absolutely right. We’re in the middle here for a few years, but I like where we’re right now, more in the middle. But if given the opportunity, if it made any sense, I definitely have a bit of a risk-taker in me.”
All 22 of everything Jerry said
good, a quick meltdown because there’s a lot going on here, and hardly any of it makes sense.
G/O Media may receive a commission
58% discount
Whitening Powerhouse Pen & Gel Duo
LIGHT UP YOUR SMILE
Whiten your teeth at home with Smileactives’ one-two punch: Whitening Powerhouse Pen & Gel Duo. This set will give you the kind of teeth whitening power that uses the same ingredients dentists rely on for in-office whitening treatments at a fraction of the cost.
“Anyone who thinks I won’t take the risk has read the tea leaves wrong, but I’m thinking long-term and I’m really hesitant to bet on a year.”
A predictable cliché to begin with, and I would agree that he was mostly risk averse lately. That’s probably why Jason Garrett stayed about five years too long and why Mike McCarthy was brought in as a true supporter. (The latter will take over the playcalling next year, and I couldn’t be more excited.) Those Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliott contracts will need an explanation, though.
“A lot of things can happen that year. Basically, we’re looking at several teams [the Los Angeles Rams and Philadelphia Eagles] that have had real success putting everything on the market and paying for it later.”
Yes, the Rams have been the standard of instant gratification since they realized Sean McVay could bring them a title, but the Eagles — and again screw them — rebuilt as best as possible from the last Super Bowl team that fell apart.
“Don’t think that it doesn’t occur to me and give me your eye as far as possible, and I know how to do it. It’s part of what you put into that computer and what comes out.”
Good God, Jerry. Phrasing, phrasing, phrasing. Also, it sounds like he’s using the ESPN trade machine to come up with deals, which makes a lot of sense.
“We’ll see how it goes, but it’s pretty impressive to have two teams in the last two years empty the bucket and get to the Super Bowl. But if you miss, it’s long.”
You better mortgage Dallas’ future asap because that’s the only way to get back to the Super Bowl, let alone win it sooner Ladera in the reserve built his retirement apartment.
“On the other hand, my general experience is if you want to stay aggressive, I say whether it’s on or off the court, but you choose your shots with risk, and I’ve spent a lot of time in my life doing that.”
OK, that’s just… incomprehensible.
“When they cut me open, it’s going to be all those scars, the heart attacks, for all the risks I’ve taken and the years I’ve spent paying for them.”
The only thing they’ll find during your autopsy, if they find anything at all, is heart like Grinch’s. Speaking of paying for things, how long have you been paying attending a rally for segregation? Week? Two weeks? People don’t forget.
“I want to say that I know how to take risks. They are absolutely right.”
You got this covered. The magical elves in the computer tell you what to do.
“We were in the middle here for a few years, but I like where we are now, more in the middle.”
Ask your fans if they are they like where the team is at. And the fact that you think the middle is a great place to be – for almost 30 years – is everything that’s wrong with this organization.
“But given the opportunity, if it would make any sense, I definitely have something risk-averse in me.”
Nothing you said made any sense. You sound like Jack Nicholson in Bucket List. For God’s sake. We’re not talking about skydiving, Jerry.
And this is another edition of the story with Uncle Jerry.